And right now; today, this hour, this minute, right this second... I am not the strong one. Is that okay?
Gaslighters function off the confusion and absolute mayhem they create for you- the hysteria that consumes your brain because while red flags are going off everywhere about this person, for some reason.. you believe it is your fault.
"It wouldn't stop until I would break and say sorry. But I was always so stubborn.. I tried to hold onto my dignity for as long as I could after he tried to strip me of it. I would refuse to say sorry, I would refuse to beg him for forgiveness. Because I don't beg for things I don't need."
The moral to this story: it's okay to need help. It's okay to need extra care. For someone who absolutely despises needing any interventions at all from anybody, this has been a major struggle for me.. but I'm realizing that it's all in my head. I have created a power struggle between myself, and myself. The 'me' that wants to be happy and healthy and the 'me' who has grown comfortable with toxicity and mania.
I've viewed Krysta as the ultimate puzzle. Difficult, but not impossible. Strange tendencies that include self-sabotage, emotional instability, mood swings, depression; all twists and turns to the maze that is Krysta.
The month of May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and I thought this would be a good time to write about very intimate things that are near and dear to my heart. Throughout my recent journey, I have found hope and healing in writing about my story. It has been a way of coping, if … Continue reading This is my Brave
I felt totally and wholly convicted in attending, yet I honestly wanted to do anything but. I'm sharing this, because I feel that too often there's a stigma with Christians. That everything about their faith is exciting and breezy and proactive. That is not the case (and that isn't a sin). Faith is hard; and the battle with Satan that comes along with faith, is even harder.
It isn't the events in our lives that define us, it's our reactions to them. We can either choose reaction or contentment; and with the latter, we lose our right to complain. There will always be a way out of that dark hole that consumes us. If I choose right now to be totally content with my misfortune, totally content with my financial situation and the outlook of my future (which doesn't look very bright without my own efforts), I am relinquishing my right to feel sorry for myself. Why? Because I have the tools to make something great of my future.. and if I choose not to do so, I only have myself to blame.
Recognizing my tolerance for the situation has allowed me to gain control of the situation. It's allowed me to look through a new lense.. a new perspective, and it's given me more power to ensure that it will never happen again. I am able to react now; to put my foot down and draw the line in the sand.
Being secure in ourselves allows us the chance to broaden our horizons. It allows us to step out of our comfort zones, take risks, and love deeply. We can't fully appreciate someone else for their attributes if we can't be secure within our own. We are on a slippery slope in that way; a slope that leads to jealousy, bitterness, hatred, pity, and of course, more insecurity.